Remember and Celebrate

March 19, 2014

If I can’t see them, did they exist?

I notice the deep footprints in wet sand
And how fast they disappear

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A few waves . . .  

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And all evidence is
                      gone.

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And I wonder . . . 
Did they really exist
if I can’t see them now?

But I  know they were there
I have pictures
taken on a beach on March 19, 2014, 9:22 am

*****

So easily, I feel God’s presence
in the good times.
Deep.  Real.  
Hard times come
And sometimes it feels like all 
evidence is
                      gone.

And I wonder,
was he really with me
if I can’t feel Him now?

Ah yes,
I have a journal
filled with “pictures”
of God’s grace
of his presence.

Dear God,
Help me remember
            when you seem to
                       disappear.

Last year life’s circumstances left me reeling, uncertain and feeling unsafe.  God didn’t seeem close and the doubts closed in.  The circumstances seemed more real than what was really real. (If you haven’t been here lately, catch up with my life by clicking “MY STORY”)

But over the years one of the most important things I have learned is this:  He is OK with the honest struggle and doubts of his children.    

And I knew he was there with me, even when he seemed far away.  I missed that sense of presence, but I knew I needed to pay attention, ask for help - because sometimes God shows up in how he uses people – a friend, a counselor, my community. 

He does shows up.
And He has
It’s all grace. 

I love hearing from you and when you subscribe to follow up comments you will receive email notice of my reply to your post.

Grace and Peace – Carol
linking with this lweek with  Weekend Brew & Emily Weiringa,  Imperfect Prose

11 Comments

11 responses to “If I can’t see them, did they exist?”

  1. So tender and beautiful, Carol. Thank you. e.

  2. Barbie says:

    Carol, thank you for sharing your words at The Weekend Brew. Even during those times when I cannot see or feel Him, I am thankful He remains close, especially during times of grief and loss. Have a beautiful week.

  3. Mary Geisen says:

    Beautiful, honest post! God is always there and we rejoice when we feel His presence so close and we wonder when we feel only emptiness! Praying that we all know God and lift up thanks in all moments and know His nearness even when He feels distant. Visiting you from Weekend Brew! Blessings, Mary

    • carol says:

      thanks for the visit Mary – would be inetnnerested int he name of your post – i haven’t found it, or recongnized it from you.. “see” you next weekend on weekend brew.

  4. Natalie says:

    It’s all grace. Absolutely. Visiting from My Freshly Brewed Life today. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Leah says:

    Hi Carol,
    I am your neighbor at Imperfect Prose.
    I love your honest writing here.
    The doubt. The mocking doubt that makes me feel like I am either a fool or insane. I know too well. But I also know the showing up, and truth triumphing over deception. You are right: it is there is the tiny small moments, and it will show up in with others in the body. Its found in the pressing in a being still.
    Cheers,
    Leah

  6. Lisa notes says:

    I was at the beach myself last week and had similar thoughts about how our footsteps are so easily washed away, as if we’d never been there. But God knows we’ve been there, always. And we can know he’s always been here.

    Same with the babies that only live here so briefly. Your story reminded me of my aunt: she lost a baby years ago and never talked about it because people just didn’t do that back then. But even now, I see tears in her eyes when it is finally mentioned.

    I had a 5 year old daughter when my baby Kali died. Like you, she had been so excited to have a baby sister. Thankfully we learned from others to talk about Kali often and grieve together. I’m glad you were finally able to grieve the loss of your sister, even though it was difficult. Healing is welcome at every age.

    • carol says:

      I love the other Lesson you just introduced here in regards to the waves. I am so grateful we are never lost to Him. I did read about how those of us who have lost people in our lives must “sing their song” because they can’t sing it themselves. That is what we do as we tell their stories, remember their special days. thanks for the visit.

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