Remember and Celebrate

June 7, 2014

Today’s Experience

i get to have todayLosing an elderly parent 
"when it's time"  . . . 
It’s a strange
     unpredictable 
         mix of 
             feelings

It's hard to file these feelings 
into folders marked  
    Grief
        Gladness
            Relief
                Sadness

It's more like the "curious blend" I referenced here on this blog a couple of weeks ago the day after my dad died.  

Confusing at best, it became more confusing when people with loving intent began to tell me how I  was going to feel.  It seemed like they knew.  

After talking about this with my counselor, he gave me invaluable advice, saying, 

“Carol, you get to have this day's experience."

I remind myself of this as I move 
slowly through my days
     taking time to be,
           feeling the feelings,
               refusing to judge them.    

So on mornings when all I know is 
it feels good to eat breakfast
together on the patio again,
or 
when I sit in the swing in the evening
and the tears come freely, 
I remind myself,
"I get to have this day's experience."

And then I think about how 
God is not only GOOD
he also DELIGHTS in me.

Zephaniah 3:17
Your GOD is present among you,
a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back,
he’ll calm you with his love
and delight you with his songs.   

And I am comforted.

Oh and the next time I am with one who is grieving the loss of an elderly parent, I think I'll say something like "You'll probably feel a lot of things.  Just know, you get to have this day's experience.  Every.Day." 

Linking with
Lisha Epperson
The Weekend Brew

22 Comments

22 responses to “Today’s Experience”

  1. Rebecca says:

    Bless your heart. You’ve certainly had your share of grieving. My time is coming, I know. Really no way to prepare except to love the best I know how in the present, I think…

    • carol says:

      you are right Rebecca. It is the only way to “prepare” and then welcome and honor the emotions that come. such a surprising mixture. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. Linda says:

    I know the sadness you are feeling. Accepting the givens of life is a process that can be a struggle but is not on done alone. Mourning our parents’ passing is sad; the rawness passes in intnesity but the missing doesn’t. In every season…God is present and loving on us. Blessings to you Carol. visiting from Lisha’s give me grace

    • carol says:

      thanks for stopping by here today, Linda. Your words of understanding and care are appreciated. blessings…

  3. Kim says:

    Having this day’s experience…so simple and such a profound gift!! Being present to receive it is the hard part. Thanks so much for your ability to share your current “present” with us. You are an inspiration on so many levels. Praying for God’s presence to envelop you as you journey through your day!! Love you, my sacred sister!!

  4. martha brady says:

    i love that Scripture. it is the benediction at the end of each sunday morning service. we raise our hands to recieve the benediction…and that is it…zepheniah 3:17. just to think about it. He delights in me! it is unimaginable!

    blessings as you adjust to your loss, even tho’ you knew it was time. that’s how it was when my mom passed. it is such a mix of emotions. living one day at a time. blessings during this season.

    • carol says:

      martha, i can sense you do understand this time having experienced this yourself. I think coming to an understanding of God’s delight in me has been one of the best things I have come to understand in the recent years of loss. thanks for the visit and your words of encouragement.

  5. Chelle says:

    Carol,
    Amen. I can so appreciate that you are present in the experience, “taking time to be,” as you so eloquently write it.
    Thank you for sharing this gift of peace.
    Peace and good to you. So grateful I found you at Lisha’s Grace place.

    • carol says:

      Chelle,
      I love Lisha’s place. I was looking for a community to nestle into and participate in and I feel like I have found it. Linda @ creekside ministries is the other one. there are so many, but i wanted to settle in somewhere. good to meet you here.

  6. There’s acceptance in appreciating the gift of TODAY. It isn’t a promise..it’s a gift. I feel your words and pain, the hope and love. It’s just beautiful Carol. Blessings to you as you experience the day.

    • carol says:

      Lisha, yes, a gift – today and even last night when i couldnt’ get to sleep. It’s so much “easier” to try to do something else to distract myself, but then we miss the gift feelings bring. thanks for your visit here tonight and your kind words.

  7. Pat Baer says:

    Bless your tender heart, Carol. I’m glad you’ve given yourself the gift of grace and that you’ve sought out good counseling. Generally speaking, we’re not that great at grieving or loving someone through the grieving process. Praise God for phrases we can cling to – and for the fact “we get to have this day’s experience”.

    May the God of all comfort continue to comfort you.

  8. Donna says:

    Beautiful imagery to go with the wise and life giving words. How simple, but not very simple at all, is breakfast on the patio. Layers and layers of new/old patterns, all shifting at the same time. That makes ME want to weep on the swing! God’s portion of peace to you each step. Xoxo

    • carol says:

      Donna, always i consider it a privilege when you stop by and leave a comment. your words mean a lot to me. thanks friend.

  9. HisFireFly says:

    was missing both my folks tonight as I’m on the cusp of a major life change, departing soon for the mission field…

    wishing I could share with them

    thank you for these words

    • carol says:

      I remember reading about your journey to the mission field. it remember wanting to pick up the phone and tell mom what was happening with dad the day he was dying. i think wanting to talk to them about our lives probably will always be part of us.

      I also saw you on the Pure Charity website when the founder died…my son is a web developer for them. small world.
      thanks for stopping by.

  10. Thanks for sharing such beautiful and wise words. From one who has experienced the loss early of both wonderful parents.

    • carol says:

      Sonya, Yes, you know all about this i have a feeling. So often we think we understand what others think or feel, but it’s having been there that we get it. until then i am learning it is our role to support the person who is going through grief in their own way. thanks for stopping by Sonya

  11. carol says:

    thanks Linda. tonight my husband went to a men’s group and I am must having a quiet evening. and loving it. Thanks for joining me. I will be contacting you about that 1/2 hour coaching…hopefully next week.

  12. What powerful words – there are no file folders for grief … or many of our most difficult experiences. So well said, my friend …

    A deep sabbath rest is my prayer for you …

    • carol says:

      i am finding that rest is so important during this time. I love being with family and with people i don’t have to figure out how to be with them. When I can’t sleep i remind myself i get to have this experience – there is nothing that says i can’t sleep tomorrow. How grateful I am i do not have to “go to work” everyday.

Leave a Reply