To Those Who Would Comfort Me

Just a few days ago, someone told me her friend’s brother died and we talked about how to comfort someone who has lost someone they love. I wrote this back in the fall of 2006 about a year after Gordon died of hypothermia, lost in the mountains of Montana.

To Those Who Would Comfort Me

Don’t tell me you know how I feel
even if you have lost your brother!
You didn’t lose mine.

Don’t tell me how I will grieve,
even if you’ve journeyed through grief.
Your grief is not my grief.
Your journey is not my journey.
Instead, let me tell you how I feel.
Then hold me as I weep.

Don’t tell me God is Sovereign.
I know that.
Give me time to believe it once again
for myself . . .
for this time in my life.

Don’t ask me if I’m glad
my brother is in heaven.
Of course I am glad he’s in HEAVEN.
But right now I want him here with me.
And don’t talk to me yet of all the things
he is experiencing there.
I miss him too much for that to comfort me.

Someone wrote:
“For the believer, grief is not
about the one who has died.
It’s about the ones
who are left behind
who must redefine their lives
without the one they love.”
This will take time.

Don’t casually quote Romans 8:28. *
I believe that too,
but I need time to internalize it
for myself.
in this situation.
This too takes time.

God, Thank you!
for the people in my life,
who walk beside me on this journey,
allowing me to travel
at the speed I can manage,
And cheer for me when I make it to
another milestone
they knew I would reach all along.

* Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.

5 Replies to “To Those Who Would Comfort Me”

  1. thanks shanna – i have “part 2” that still resides in my journal! i hope to unearth it next week on vacation.

  2. Carol
    Thanks for sharing! This is so thoughtful and honest and so reflects how I have remembered the evolution of your grief and healing process. You really have reached so many important milestones with Gordon and then your Mom. I so admire your journey and am thankful for your willingness to share with the rest of us who want to understand and learn from you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *