Written May 12, 2013
Dad has been home with us for two weeks after breaking his hip and going through rehab for 4 weeks. This will be his home now. It’s a hard adjustment for us. Dad is happy to be here, but unable to understand the upheaval we are going though as we adjust to 24/7 care for him, unable to leave him alone for even a few minutes. We have to take turns going to church now and today is my turn. I am so glad to be here, sitting with my community.
“Come to me, Lord: I will not speculate how,
Nor think at which door I would have thee appear,
Nor put off calling till my floors be swept,
But cry, “Come, Lord, come any way, come now.”
George MacDonald, Diary for an Old Soul
With these words, the liturgist leads us into the silence that begins our Sunday morning gathering.
The words catch my attention, and I am unsure what they mean for me – what they have to do with this intense season of caregiving in which I so unexpectedly find myself. I only sense I am to pay attention.
The words return to me throughout the day and that evening. And then Dad is in bed and the house is quiet. I am here alone with him for the next three days. Instead of turning on the TV and watching Law and Order SVU as I often do on a Sunday evening, I spend time meditating on these words.
“Come to me, Lord: I will not speculate how.” And really I had no idea.
“Come Lord, come any way, come now.” How long Lord, how long. Will I know it is you? How will I know?
And so I tangle* and as I do, the words work their way into my heart – still not sure of what they mean for me.
The next morning as I am putting on my dad’s shoes, I hear the words “In as much as you do it to the least of these, you are doing it unto me.”
And then I know.
God has come to me in my dad.
UPDATE: God has provided a caregiver – she lives with us in exchagne for 10 hours a week of care for my dad. It is a great help and a big answer to prayer. Another friend comes by once a week for a couple hours, giving me time to devote to my writing. I am grateful.
(Note: In this post you find a “ZIA” – Zentangle Inspired Art - Zentangle© is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. I use this method as I ponder a scripture or a thought that God seems to be showing me. Good friend Kathryn McCauley told me about it and I have since taken a beginner’s class. Yes, there is such a thing – a Certified Zentangle Instructor – CZI.)