It is surreal planning the memorial service with Pastor Vern. One of the songs Carol and the kids choose to sing at the service is “Blessed Be Your Name. ” When Carol asks us if it was OK to sing this song, I tell them the following story:
One day, a few months after Tom (Jill’s father) died, I heard Gerald singing this song loudly with Jake, and I asked Jill how she felt about that song . . . especially the part “You give and take away. . . You give and take away . . . My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed Be Your Name.” And she answered: “Just as long as you don’t sing it lightly…” With that, we all agreed we were OK with singing this song at the service on Saturday. – You give and take away . . . my heart will choose to say ‘Lord, blessed be your name..’
It’s amazing how we can smile this week, even though it is through our tears!
Nov 10, 2005 – Added entries into my journal for that day:
* Every night I can’t wait to crawl into bed and pull up the covers. I just want to be warm!
* Mom is doing well health-wise. Dad takes such tender care of her. They’ve been through almost 60 years of life together and love each other more than ever. How grateful we are for them….
Today we remembered something else. This comes from another journaling entry. When Mom was so sick this summer, in her confusion one day she kept saying, “Everyone isn’t here…where is everyone??” We told her we were here…dad and me. And she said “No, Gordon isn’t here.” She told us later that she thought she was dying and we were all gathering for her funeral. And Gordon wasn’t there. And he won’t be at her funeral, but he will be waiting to welcome her into heaven and take her to see Jesus.
* My parents also lost another son at age 2 1/2 and a little girl , a tiny baby girl at 5 months gestation. They have had a lot of sorrow, yet tonight my mom said “On Sunday when I thought of what might lie ahead for us I thought I couldn’t bear it. Then I remembered that He won’t tempt us above our ability to handle it and promises a way of escape.” She said she went to bed saying “Lord, if you take us there, you will help us through it.” And I said, “because if He doesn’t then everything f or which we have lives our lives isn’t true.” And she said “Yes!”
We have cried lots of tears together today….. mom and dad and everyone. I wish I could just stop crying, but, I know that I need to experience it sometime… letting the tears come now is a good, but it’s also very hard.