Beginnings? Now?

It’s becoming increasingly clear, the last couple of years – the time I have left to live is less than the time I have lived (coming up on age 70, fifteen months from now will do that).

In light of my musings (more like distress) about traveling this final leg of my earthly journey, I stumbled upon the poem, “Help Me to Believe in Beginnings” by Ted Loder, from his book, “Guerrillas of Grace”

Beginnings? Are you kidding me, when right now, it seems like the beginning of an ending?

The following words in my journal from a couple weeks ago are shared below: (Highlighting is mine.)

 “Help me to believe in beginnings
 to make a beginning
to be a beginning,
so that I may not just grow old
but grow new
each day of this wild, amazing life
you call me to live
with the passion of Jesus Christ.”

“Help Me to Believe in Beginnings” Ted Loder, from Guerrillas of Grace

Beginnings?
How can I think of
beginnings
when

a blink of an eye is
a month passed,
a lightning strike is ,
a year flown by.

A beginning?
when it feels like the
beginning
of an
ending?

Choosing to focus on
the time I have
instead of
the time I don’t
is a choice, they say.

Most days I make this choice.
Some days the choice is elusive.
Today is one of those days.