If you have been reading for awhile here, you know I occasionally reference things my grandchildren have taught me. I find they are in the background of my mind most of my days. It’s no surprise when I sit down to be quiet, what is in the background comes to the fore. Wednesdays have become my day to write. I had something in mind today, but as I started by perusing my journal, I came across this entry on 6/4/2109. I share it here with you today.
Often my journal entries are written as prayers. I decided to give you a peek into mine today.
Jesus, you know how hard it is for me to settle into focused time with you these days, my Bible open, my heart slowing down, the noise level in my brain gradually diminishing. It takes a while to get there.
I’m here at My Lake. The sky is getting darker in the north and it’s been sprinkling but “Watson”, the weather app guy says it’s too little to do much. I hope he’s right.
I’ve already picked up my coffee on the way here. Somehow that seems to help along with being here at the Lake. I started to journal right away. Maybe it will corral my busy brain from all that concerns me.
So many people I love, beginning with my precious family – all 16 of them.
They say when you become a mother, you agree to let pieces of your heart walk around outside your body. I wonder if the one who said it was prepared to know what it feels like to have that one child grow to three and from there grow to 6 as each of them get married and keep right on growing to 16 as they begin their own families?
That’s a lot of my heart walking around outside my body. Can any mom anticipate what that feels like? I couldn’t. I now know.
Jesus, I talk to you about them throughout my day, entrusting them to your care, to intervene on their behalf as needed. I have found being a grandmother to be deeply satisfying. Sometimes I weep for the love I have for these children, these pieces of my heart.
At the same time, it’s a bit terrifying. As one wise friend said, “As a parent, you get to try something and if it doesn’t work, you get to try something else. As a grandparent, you stand back and pray a lot.”
Every day I specifically pray for my Daughter’s in-law (and by extension their families) for pieces of their mama hearts are already walking around outside their bodies. All too soon, those heart-pieces begin their movement away. Isn’t all of parenting the movement of their children’s total dependence on them to independence?
Jesus, grant to these precious women in my family the peace that comes from entrusting pieces of their hearts to You, learning to let go of the fierce urge to dictate outcomes as I have had to learn. This has been one of the hardest and most peace-producing ways for me to pray as a mom and a grandmother.
Most nights my prayer before I sleep goes like this: “Jesus, I entrust those I love to you. Watch over them during the night while I sleep.”
In the morning, I start over as I pray for them again.
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