There I was in Michigan at a Church Conference with a sick husband by the time we arrived. After a night of chills and fever and a Dr. who prescribed much needed antibiotics. Still too sick to travel home or attend the conference we had no choice but to stay put – wondering why we were there. I sat in on a few sessions and made a few significant personal contacts but the most important was what happened at Glenlord Beach that second day.
Earlier that day I email my friend, telling her I am going to the beach for a quiet time. I almost decide not to go when I receive an email from her telling me she is praying for me as I go to the beach. She has been aware of my struggle with doubt these past weeks – all my wondering if prayer mattered and while I know God is good overall, does He ever really care about how I feel? The past weeks I have been wondering…
And so, sensing God would have something there for me, I get in the car and drive over to Lake Michigan. I walk out onto the bluff overlooking the beach.
The untamed beauty blends with the drabness of the beach cluttered with debris. What I notice most are the waves. I sit down and begin to write the thoughts that are running through my head.
I come here with a sense of expectation.
Karen asked You to give me
a visual of your love here today.
You often speak to me through nature,
so I am listening.
You know my questions . . .
my doubts of your goodness . . .
doubts of your love . . .
I am not used to doubting you.
It’s a dark place to be,
yet I sense you telling me
“Don’t rush through this.”
I think you have something here for me to learn.
And so I look out onto the beach.
I love the frilly, lacy frothiness as they break.
how they caress the sand.
Nothing happening on the beach
changes the rhythm of the waves.
And then I know what you are saying to me . . .
The source of my love has nothing to do with
what you are doing
what you are feeling
It has everything to do with
my love for you,
The waves a “visual” of how
I caress you with my love.
I just keep loving – you!
even when you don’t feel like it.
even when you are broken
and especially when you doubt . . .
It doesn’t matter
how you feel about my love
or if you feel it at all!
It still keeps coming,
like these waves . . .
and over again.