Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms says   “It is your desire for God and your capacity to reach for more of God than you have right now that is the deepest essence of who you are . . . not your woundedness . . .not your personality . . . not your giftedness, but your desire!”
As I pondered the losses of my life in relation to this statement, I wrote the following.
 Dear God,
         to think you see me
              as I was intended to be. . .
                       not “the girl
                                who lost
                                         all of her siblings.”
 You don’t look at me and say:   Â
“Even though it was hard,
     now Carol has a purpose.”
 The losses of my life
      and resulting wounds
      have their impact,
But that is not what you see.
You are using these things in my life . . .
I am able to minister in special ways. . .
But these losses do not define me.
Tears spring to my eyes.
I find this hard to believe . . . .
My head knows it to be true.
It’s just that
     my heart
          would also like to know
               to be assured.
Help me understand and know.
And Dear God,
Help me pay attention
    to what you will continue to do
     in my life . . .
         giving me opportunity for
              ministries and purposes
                     that only I can fulfill.
Dear Child:
Your desire is evidence
     that I am continuing
     to draw you
    to myself.Â
Pay attention.
Spend quiet moments with me,
I will lead you in life-giving ways.