Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms says “It is your desire for God and your capacity to reach for more of God than you have right now that is the deepest essence of who you are . . . not your woundedness . . .not your personality . . . not your giftedness, but your desire!”
As I pondered the losses of my life in relation to this statement, I wrote the following.
Dear God,
to think you see me
as I was intended to be. . .
not “the girl
who lost
all of her siblings.”
You don’t look at me and say:
“Even though it was hard,
now Carol has a purpose.”
The losses of my life
and resulting wounds
have their impact,
But that is not what you see.
You are using these things in my life . . .
I am able to minister in special ways. . .
But these losses do not define me.
Tears spring to my eyes.
I find this hard to believe . . . .
My head knows it to be true.
It’s just that
my heart
would also like to know
to be assured.
Help me understand and know.
And Dear God,
Help me pay attention
to what you will continue to do
in my life . . .
giving me opportunity for
ministries and purposes
that only I can fulfill.
Dear Child:
Your desire is evidence
that I am continuing
to draw you
to myself.
Pay attention.
Spend quiet moments with me,
I will lead you in life-giving ways.