My husband and I were alone on Thanksgiving. “It’s all good,” I told someone yesterday. “Our children and 10 grandchildren are with their other families. Well, one is still in Ethiopia. We expect to have her here with us soon.”
And I missed my mom and my dad. They are gone now, as are my siblings, taken far too soon.
Today I spent time in Psalm 100 and realized again God how has walked with me through these past 10 years since Gordon’s death. I felt Jesus’ presence here with me in the quietness of the day. Sometimes I wondered if I’d feel his presence again. There were many moments of being with the loss and the sadness and yes, even doubt that sometimes comes with the loss. Godly couunselors carried me when I couldn’t walk on my own.
Psalm 100 is all about giving thanks . . . God’s goodness . . . his faithfulness lasting through generations . . . . How I have believed this through my life. And how I have doubted all of it at one time or another in the darkness of the past ten years.
Knowing God was going to be OK with my doubt, I didn’t try to “fix” it with all the right answers, although I have tried to do that most of my life. He knew I was on a journey. And so I sat with God in the doubt, in the darkness.
And now he has brought me to a place of being able once again to absorb these cherished scriptures.
I had memorized the five verses from Psalm 100 as a child. Being a visual learner, now when I can see, I can remember and even memorize again. So here goes my visual version of Psalm 100:1-5
2) Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3) Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his.
We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4) Enter into his gates with thanksgiving
and hiscourts with praise;
Give thanks to him and praise his name.
5) For the Lord is good, his love endures forever,
and his faithfulness endures to all generations.
God, this is why I am telling my story to show your faithfulness, even when it has seemed you are far away and maybe will seem that way again.