I know.Â Itâ€™s January. It’s winter. It’s cold and a lot of us have a lot of snow with more in the forecast. Since I love snow, I am OK with all of this.
You may have noticed this site has been quiet.Â If you need an update on â€œwhere â€œ I have been, readÂ â€œMy Storyâ€ update, especially the third paragraph.Â Â
It has been difficult to focus as we adjusted to 24/7 care for my Dad after he broke his hip, made more difficult in light of a major financial loss which limited our resources for help. Most troubling was losing the sense of God’s presence. I continued to journal, but â€œwritingâ€ creatively has been difficult and most of the time impossible.Â As my counselor explained, it’s like when the fog rolls in and I can’t see the stars, doesn’t mean they are not there anymore.Â I just can’t see them. He helped me understand it’s that way with God sometimes.Â The grief and the pain blocks my view of God.Â He hasn’t gone anywhere. I just can’t see him.Â
Somehow, over the past nine months we found aroutine between the two of us, although it isnâ€™t the routine we expected. The last couple weeks I feel like the clouds have parted and I can see the stars again. There likely will be more clouds but Â for now I am thankful for the view.Â Â I decided to take a look at this blog.
There I discovered several drafts that never saw the light of day and it seems like a good place to start again. This one is from the end of last summer)Â Â
When you spend time at a place often,Â you notice things – like the color of the grass, for instance:
The grass across the lake is green.
Of course it’s green.
It’s aÂ golf course
watered every day.
But the rains have stopped
And where the grass is not watered
the only green grass remaining
is along the edge of the lake.
The â€œsafestâ€ place for grass is
close to the edge . . .
where it can weather the drought.
A reminder that I too,
must stay close to my
source of life.
Grass cannot choose where it grows.
I, however, can choose!
For me, staying close to my source of life can mean;
spending time in meditation on scripture, God’s words to me.
spending time in the beauty of His Creation,
where I most easily hear his words of love.
Listening to music
created by gifted musicians
with words that break through
the fear and doubt.
Setting my iTunes to shuffle,
I like to think it’s God’s Playlist
created just for me. Â Â Â
When doubts and fears drown out his voice?
Sometimes the words of my friends are God to me.
Most often, it’s not what they say,
itâ€™s the presence they offer.
And when clouds obscure the stars?
It’s knowing he is OK with my doubts,
resting secure in the knowledge he loves me,
and wait for the stars to come into view.
* * * *
Blessed is the one . . .whose delight is in the law of the Lord . . . (He) is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Â Psalm 1:1-3
How do you stay close toÂ theÂ “Source of Life”?
Feel free to share it here.
Maybe your words will encourage others who come here.
Perhaps what helps you will help others.Â