As Worship Choir Members, we are encouraged to spend time with one of the songs until it becomes a part of us, as a way of preparing our hearts to lead worship.
Last night at choir practice we practiced, “Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman.
I find an unexpected disinterest in this song tonight
A resistance.
I have lived this song for six years.
I know all about this song.
We sang it at the memorial service for Gordon.
Maybe I just don’t want to go there right now – not this week anyway.
This morning during my quiet time I pick up the song sheet
(intending to choose one of the other songs.)
But I find myself drawn to
(really more like pushed/pulled)
“Blessed Be Your Name.”
I have learned that resistance usually means I need to pay attention.
I take time to remember:
Summer 2003
Deerfield,
NorthSuburban Sunday morning worship
Brian Dainsburg introduces “Blessed be Your Name.”
I like this song – it’s upbeat. I like the words.
But wait a minute – the words,
I didn’t expect these words
desert place
wilderness
darkness
a road marked with suffering
pain in the offering
Mostly I just notice them.
“Blessed Be Your Name?”
Summer 2004,
Des Plaines, Gerald’s home
He’s singing loudly to little Jake,
teaching him “Blessed Be Your Name.
“He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away.
My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name.”
Jill’s Dad has recently died of ALS.
“How do you feel about that song,” I ask her,
“As long as you don’t sing it lightly,” she replies.
I notice.
Blessed be Your Name
Nov. 10, 2005:
Billings, Montana . . .
Carol’s kitchen table . . .
Family gathered . . .
We are planning Gordon’s memorial service.
Carol wants to sing “Blessed Be Your Name.”
She says she heard it on the radio
on the long drive home on Tuesday morning
expecting to see Gordon,
thinking “I might need that song.”
finding an hour later he’s gone.
Blessed be Your Name!
And now, two days later,
she wants us to sing this song
at his memorial service.
“Are you OK with it?” she asks us.
I tell them about Gerald singing to Jake
and Jill telling us not to sing it lightly.
“We will sing it,” we decide.
At least our lips will form the words.
We will.
We do.
We all do.
Blessed Be Your Name!
Summer 2007
Deerfield, Worship team practice.
“Blessed Be Your Name.”
There are tears, always tears with this song.
Today the words strike me in a new way:
There is a real road.
A road in the mountains of Montana.
A literal road marked with suffering.
Pain in the offering
And still, we say,
Blessed Be Your Name.”
Fall 2011
Choir practice.
Again I notice.
I don’t want to think about it!
But I allow myself to remember
and celebrate anew the truth of
“Blessed Be Your Name!”
thanks so much for the beautiful way you shared this story Carol. I too really like this song, but I’m sure the next time I sing it I will think of it in a more personal way, including thoughts of you!!! This is what God wants, that even through the hard, rough times, we choose to say, “Blessed Be Your Name”. It isn’t easy to do many times is it but that is what brings peace.!!
“You give and take away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”
We’ve been on the same boat for quite some time, Carol. I’m glad to call you my sister and friend. Love you and praying for you! Thanks for sharing.
word duly added! thanks Millie!
I remember. Well written. Can’t cry the emotion this brings me because I have a party tonight and don’t want to redo my makeup! I remember. I will always remember. 5:00 a.m. and Patty is driving me from Big Timber back to Billings to the hospital where we expect to see Gordon. In my fog of trying to sleep I hear this familiar song on the radio & say to myself “I might need that” for a funeral, yet not believing that could really be the outcome just an hour later. Thanks Carol.
Awesome and profound!!
We think of David, as this was one of his favorite songs too.
And in the part “my heart will choose to say” we think of Mother Maust who always emphasized the idea of choosing God’s way over our own. When we faced tough situations she would exhort us to say “Lord, I’m not willing (to take the place of the wrong one, or whatever) but I choose…”
P.S. Did you skip a word in third line under Fall 2010?
Love you,
Millie Maust