Today’s Experience

i get to have todayLosing an elderly parent 
"when it's time"  . . . 
It’s a strange
     unpredictable 
         mix of 
             feelings

It's hard to file these feelings 
into folders marked  
    Grief
        Gladness
            Relief
                Sadness

It's more like the "curious blend" I referenced here on this blog a couple of weeks ago the day after my dad died.  

Confusing at best, it became more confusing when people with loving intent began to tell me how I  was going to feel.  It seemed like they knew.  

After talking about this with my counselor, he gave me invaluable advice, saying, 

“Carol, you get to have this day's experience."

I remind myself of this as I move 
slowly through my days
     taking time to be,
           feeling the feelings,
               refusing to judge them.    

So on mornings when all I know is 
it feels good to eat breakfast
together on the patio again,
or 
when I sit in the swing in the evening
and the tears come freely, 
I remind myself,
"I get to have this day's experience."

And then I think about how 
God is not only GOOD
he also DELIGHTS in me.

Zephaniah 3:17
Your GOD is present among you,
a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back,
he’ll calm you with his love
and delight you with his songs.   

And I am comforted.

Oh and the next time I am with one who is grieving the loss of an elderly parent, I think I'll say something like "You'll probably feel a lot of things.  Just know, you get to have this day's experience.  Every.Day." 

Linking with
Lisha Epperson
The Weekend Brew